Growing up with an over-achieving mother really sets you in motion… To look for the next career change or advancement, to try to schedule your life out so that all people are happy, and all tasks are tackled. I learned quickly what goals were and how to set them: in sports, academics, hobbies, and just life in general. These traits are fantastic to have. However, I don’t like or tolerate the “waiting period” easily or with grace.
Im sure society plays into this: we are the generation that knows what we want, and want it right now. Why? Because convenience is so accessible. But our lives are not void of waiting and patience, no matter how hard we try to combat it. I’ve learned that first hand as a mom and wife.
I was in the middle of applying for Grad school and planning a wedding when I found out I was pregnant. I was also preparing for a year dedicated to international medical missions. Finding out you are unexpectantly going to be a mom to the most beautiful little boy will put a hault to those plans. I thought for sure that Grad school and world traveling we’re instructions from God. Sam was on tour that year and I reasoned it was a perfect time to learn, grow, and experience. I was wrong and overwhelmed; He called me to a time in my life to learn absolute patience.
I would wait nine months to hold my life’s biggest blessing. I would wait to say “I do” to the love of my husband. I put travel plans and Grad school on hold so that I could be at home with my child and continue working. There was some heart break in those decisions/callings. I had dreams for myself and plans in motion. God’s ideas were bigger, though. Call it pregnancy hormones or just grabbing at straws to keep confidence in the drastic change of life events during that time… Bob Marley played on repeat when I drove anywhere by myself. His lyrics just made me feel comforted in that stage of life: “Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing’s gonna be alright.” To this day, that song brings a smile to my face.
As overwhelmed and frustrated as I felt with putting my plans on hold, I traded my sorrow for abounding joy the day Griffin was born. His presence altered my life completely, and altered my love for Sam AND God in the most uplifting way.
It was that moment I understood that God does amazing things when He calls us to wait. Some areas of stagnancy are for big life events, like trying to have a baby or getting married. Some are waiting for that opportunity to attend school, pay off debt, or completely change careers. And sometimes waiting comes in simpler forms in the day to day.
For me, I couldn’t wait for Griffin to learn to walk or talk. (I’m second guessing that now 😜 Just kidding). I learned patience in parental discipline and how to better handle tantrums with love and grace. I waited and yearned for my body to reappear after delivery. God forced me to wait and work through places in my marriage that were difficult so I could fully understand the depth of our love for each other.
The situations that forced me to learn patience are not what’s important. What holds the most significance is what God did in the mean time to make the wait so worth it. That meant struggle, self-doubt, frustration, angst. But it also brought joy, growth, dependence on God, and most of all faith.
By definition, faith means “believing in something that you don’t see or feel, but affirm its presence.” Every period of complacency and thirst for the next chapter or goal met, makes my faith in God’s all-knowing love that much stronger. I can’t just hope God has the perfect timing or plan for my life… But I have to know and trust He does.
We are often too focused on the end result to see the beauty in what God’s doing all along. I have much to be proud of from my period of wait. God prepared my heart for motherhood and marriage instead of sending me to a foreign country. God allowed me to enjoy mothering a baby and developing deep appreciation of my husband before we even said our vows. God gave us a sense of direction and a home/community to start our family in, instead of spreading our marriage thin across states and countries.
The periods of waiting have taught me more about my strength, my heart, and my courage than I could’ve known with my own initial life plan. At times, I wondered if I would ever understand God’s so-called “love.” I dealt with many issues internally. But with every moment of suppressed doubt, God was there to lift my chin and say, “Child, if you’ll only hold onto me and My truth just a little while longer.” So I did and learned that patience brings honor, glory, justification, redemption, and bravery. I experienced just how beautiful and specific God’s love can be.
I still have things I’m waiting on: His calling for another baby, Grad school, book opportunities, finding my niche in our community and friends. But, I will work to acknowledge and appreciate all the blessings that currently surround me… I will not wish away or take advantage of what God is doing with my circumstances and in my heart. For my faith is my big and my love for God is bigger.
I let go of the plans and desires that I hold too tightly and grab God’s hand with utmost confidence that He is working on things bigger than me and bigger than my dreams. I cast my worries upon the Lord and clench to the idea of walking side by side with God. Comically, I have comfort with visions of Him humming a little Bob Marley…
house of stain 
As always, Candance, your words are beautiful. God looks at our plans and laughs. You’re really not old enough to know this, but just relax and wait on His Guidance. Such a hard lesson; I am still working on this as I turn 58…and I DEFINITELY had an over-achieving, God-Loving Mama. She is in heaven, now, but still an continuous, daily support.
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