Mama Bear Got Schooled…

Something happens during childbirth. A mama bear instinct implants itself in our souls. We try to keep it in check. On occasion that bear wants to roar SO LOUDLY it scares the pants off of people.
Today was one of those days. Thankfully, God gave my bear a dose of reality to cool her off before she unleashed in the worst ways.

As a parent, you dread moments when your child is heart broken or has hurt feelings. I have a two year old. The things that break his heart are usually aligned with tantrums. He can’t have four cupcakes for dinner. He wants to throw keys from the living room into the kitchen window. But heart break also happens in a moment I hoped would never come, but knew it would. He’s shunned by other children; he wants badly to play with them and build a connection, only to be pushed or shaken away.

Griffin squeals with delight over anything with four wheels and says “Choo Choo.” He races cars and trains in the kitchen floor and up the drive way everyday. So, when a group of five (maybe six) year old boys were playing with a tub of them at the park, he moved his little legs as fast as they would go to join them. He approached them with me clutching his little arm. I knew this could go two ways. They would offer to share, or Griffin would learn a valuable lesson: the toys belonged to someone else, and we had to move on. I didn’t, however, expect rudeness to us, both.

Griff, unsurprisingly, went for the box of trains. I did my motherly duties and gently said, “Those don’t belong to us. If they want to share (hint, hint), you can play. If not, we need to play with something else.” Most children that age, hear an adult say the word “share,” and would do so. One boy offered. As I started to say thank you, I heard a “Yelp” from my toddler as the other child was violently shaking a train from his other tiny hand.

Mama Bear was gearing up for attack. I could hear her growling…
I tried again, “Griffin can you please share and give his train back to him?” A quick shove from the older boy, paired with: “He can’t play with us,” and it was all I could do to keep from throwing that little …. “Adorable.” Unkind. Hopefully, unknowing child… I’ll stop myself. I really wanted to tell my child to kick that box of trains so hard that Thomas became an airplane. Especially, when I saw sad tears well up in his little heart broken eyes.

I had to make a choice to let Mama Bear attack, or use this as a chance to teach these children about kindness and prayer. You’ll be glad to know I chose the latter… Despite my deep desire to yell at a five year old. See, mama bear!

I know hurt feelings will happen again. Many times over. It will happen in those petty middle school days. He will feel it with each break up with a girlfriend. He may even experience heart break in college or adult years. At some point, I will have to help my child deal with hurt feelings and a broken heart with grace and kindness.

Did I want to call that little boy a four letter word? You bet your hiney, I did! But instead, I told that little boy about the importance of kindness; treating someone the way you want to be treated. I also told him that I hoped someone would share their toys with him when he didn’t have any. That’s the truth!

All children should learn that sharing blessings from God is just as important as receiving them. I took this as an opportunity to tell that little boy we’d be praying for him. Cheap shot for a five year old? Okay, maybe a little. But I wanted Griffin to see me handle that with grace.

I want him to know that people are human and make mistakes. He, too will hurt someone’s feelings at some point. He should know that God has to heal the heart of whoever he hurts in the process. After the incident, I told Griffin he is loved by me, and I’d always want to play with him. We prayed for forgiveness for the little boy, AND forgiveness when WE aren’t kind to people in the future. Kindness and forgiveness for the lack thereof, is a big lesson for kids.

And for me…This situation made me think about the many times I’d hurt someone or shunned them. How many times have I said “You can’t play with me?!” Maybe not word for word. But it happens… when I’m “too busy” to spend time with my husband. When I’ve neglected the invitation (again) for lunch with friends. Ive done it to strangers who strike up a conversation, but I’m too self-consumed to participate for very long. I’ve even (not so nicely) encouraged Griff to play by himself so I can get things done. Am I always kind in those moments? No. It’s usually a response with sensible frustration and demeaning in nature. It’s basically me saying, “This is my time and you’re not welcome in it,” (whether that’s my intention or not). Similar to the little boy who said, “These are my trains and he can’t play with us?” Unfortunately, yes.

Lesson learned, mama bear. I had to put my claws away and break down my desire to teach that kid a lesson. I’m the one who just got schooled. Let this fuel us to be kind, share our blessings; that includes our love, our time, and our belongings. We have one life to live and don’t want to spend it making people feel belittled.