Hot Mess Express

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the hot mess express!!! It has been one of those weeks where not much is going right.

This piece is a hot mess. But it’s covered and I still like it. It will eventually be painted silver to match the other pieces in our guest bedroom. But for now it will be a work in progress… Much like its “designer” (for lack of better words). And I call it a “hot” mess both figuratively and literally… I actually burned myself doing this!

Who grew up with a mama that could take a hot glue gun and make ANYTHING?!? Me! And while a hot glue gun does have its benefits with repurposing things, if you’re not careful it will hurt you.

I am relating myself to this piece, with that said. I’ve done nothing but pray over this piece and pray over myself this week. I, too, am one hot mess. Let me just say… The “have-it-all-together” and “balanced” mothers out there: I see you, I envy you, but I ain’t one of you! At least not this week! I said in my first post that I’m striving to be made “new” and new for me is “balanced.” Confession: I struggle MOST with guilt as a parent. I feel guilty for others watching Griffin when I’m working. I feel guilty when I crave to get ready in peace or at least shower before lunch. I feel guilty when I haven’t given him enough veggies this week because he’s cutting molars and only wants soft foods. If there’s something to feel guilty over, I do. The biggest struggle I have with guilt is trying achieve balance for “me time” and giving him my all. I’ve had to own up to the part of me that doesn’t do well when it’s been weeks since I’ve done something besides take care of others. I’m a nurse (for those that don’t know). And while I love my job (best patients/families and co-workers on the world), I get very little time away from taking care of someone.

So this week, it happened. I pulled the hot mess card. I didn’t get all the housework done that I had planned to. I got Griff off his napping schedule. I made a mess of my time to run with him in the stroller. And I probably spent too much time being frustrated in small spurts-over nothing. So it happened. I erupted and didn’t act with grace and kindness (to say the least) towards Griff after I got smacked in the face. It carried over to Sam when he got home that afternoon, and he caught the brunt of it. Just like trying to fix that hot mess of a hope chest; I ended up getting burned. And I burned the people I love the most, because I still have not yet figured out the “balanced” part of my journey as a parent and wife.

I’m thankful that God gives us grace when we become that hot mess. He loves us and forgives us when we lose it. He even blesses us when we least deserve it. I’m sure He wasn’t pleased with my actions at the moment of my crappy behavior, just like the inside of that hope chest is not my favorite right now. But, I still love it. It still makes me happy because I know what it will look like when it balances out our guest bedroom furniture. And God knows that (with His help) I’ll be a better me. While I’m not there yet, I’ll have to embrace that I can be a hot mess, so that He can mold me and make me into the best version of myself. I’m just thankful my family loves me unconditionally, as well!

So, again, to all of you balanced moms: JOB WELL DONE! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I’m proud of you-for it’s not an easy task for some of us! But we will get there with Gods grace and guidance!