Broken Can’t Fix Broken

I wish I could jot down my feelings every time I feel overwhelmed and incapable during each day. But truth be told, I’d rarely stop writing. It’s those feelings of “not enough” that leave me grasping at straws or plucking at other people to fills the cracks in my shell I so long to have mended.
Sometimes I feel like a broken mirror or window. There’s this total package that’s meant to reflect beautiful things, but it’s broken into shards by my faults, my doubts, my circumstances.
“We need to make more money.” “I need to be more organized.” “I want to accomplish x, y, and z, but can’t.” “I’m not cheerful enough.” “I’m not crafty enough.” “I’m too emotional.” There’s a list of negative self talk that swarms my brain when the slightest hiccup arises in my day. It’s a constant tug of war between my imperfections, my desires, and God trying to pull me across an imaginary line to regain access to places of my heart that are in constant turmoil.
And others pay for my inability to pause, refocus on WHO matters, and my neglect to let go so tightly of the glue that I think holds my broken pieces together. Sometimes, I feel like if I let go, everything will shatter.
I read a prayer in Louis Giglio’s Advent Devotional today, and one phrase stuck out:
“[God] You alone know how hard I’ve searched for satisfaction in the people and things of this world. But they are broken, and I am too. You, alone fill my hungry heart.”
“But they are broken, and I am, too.” Whoa. You mean my child is not perfect?! My husband is not perfect? (Please sense my sarcasm, but note that this truly was a reminder). No they aren’t perfect. Neither is my job. Neither is our current circumstances, be it about money, stress, or future endeavors.
I get easily frustrated when little things don’t go as planned; when our refrigerator leaks or my kid has a bad day. I get overwhelmed when there are things I want to accomplish in my career and they don’t line up with our finances. I feed myself the list of cracks that protrude in my heart when others don’t respond how I think they should or wish they would. And I add those to list of things that are broken.
Today was a good reminder that we can’t expect broken, imperfect people (family, friends, co-workers), or broken imperfect things (job, money, homes, tangible gifts) to fix our own broken parts… because they are broken, too. They, too, are imperfect. But WHO is not?? Who can fill the voids and calm our overwhelming doubts?
There’s a reason we call Jesus our Savior. Dictionary.com defines Savior as “someone who saves, rescues, or delivers.” Jesus saved us from an eternal death. He rescues our hearts each time we lose sight of all we have to be thankful for. And He delivers us from despair when we forget that broken can’t fix broken… only His redemption and hope can do that.
So the next time you find yourself, overwhelmed and “incapable” of your circumstances, doubtful of what you can and will accomplish, or frustrated with actions and response of others… think of what God does with all our broken pieces. I may feel like a bunch of broken pieces, but I have hope that God can use them for His glory if I just let Him be the one to do it.