Mother’s Day is fast approaching. This year I’ve gained a different perspective of motherhood: from myself, from sweet friends, and especially from God. I spent the better part of a year struggling to be “THE” Mom. The perfect, do-it-all, be all, selfless, Pinterest reflecting, June Cleaver, Mary in a Martha World mother. And I failed… At least I thought I did. Why? Because I tried so hard to be this stereotypical mother that I forgot one important piece…. Me! I am not the stereotypical mother because THERE IS NO stereotypical mother. So I’ve written a letter to all moms of all walks… I see you. I appreciate you. And I support you: to simply be you. Embrace who you are and who you’re not. Because your kids and loved ones will appreciate you for it even more so. Plus… Who GOD calls us to be is far greater than who we spend a lot of time TRYING to be without His help.
Dear Moms:
You are loved. You are prayed for. You are enough. Your tireless hours of cooking, cleaning, praying over your children, and doing your darn best to raise them are valued by God. He sees you doing the work He has called you to do and He’s SO proud of you. You are dear to His heart because you are raising the next generation.
To the working mom. I’ve cried many tears. When you struggle to feel home enough, there enough, energetic enough to keep up. When you kiss your baby goodbye in the morning knowing you only get a sacred 3-5 hours at night (or less) to cuddle, laugh, and love on them… I’ve been there, too. You’re not alone. Your child knows Mommy is doing her very best to give them a life you only dream of providing. One day they will share how much they appreciate the long hours you worked and clung to the hours you have. Thank you for your service to your children AND the world. As a daughter of a working mom and being a working mom myself, I say it’s okay to cry on that drive to work. Because our kids are watching us sacrifice for their betterment.
To the Stay at Home Mama. I joined this force my second year of motherhood, as I now only work the weekend. I know how often you feel invisible or struggle for time to yourself. I know the feeling of thanking God for nap time just to rejuvenate so you can give it your all when they wake up. I know the journey of hoping you offer something to the world outside of your home. I know how hard it is to feel lost in the diapers, tantrums, and toys. But there’s NO ONE they’d rather share their days with. Please know that finding balance for you AND your children is not an easy feat. But again, they are watching and thankful for precious time with you. Let’s soak up moments of diapers and food on the floor. It won’t last forever.
To the mom who isn’t a mom just yet, but hurts to become one. I don’t know this type of motherhood personally. This year I’ve gained perspective from friends and family who have battled infertility. To you, I apologize. I know at some point I didn’t consider the pain constant parenting rants might have caused. I didn’t think twice about voicing the struggle of just wanting some alone time or complaining about food in my hair and dirt on my floors. I know you long for those moments that current mothers can easily take for granted (without even meaning to.) You are still a mother. God placed that longing in your heart for a child of your own. I promise He is faithful. I promise He has a way. I promise that there are moms who feel bad for being inconsiderate of your feelings. Many of you struggle in silence. But the silence holds much truth and we are here to hold your hand through the journey.
To the mom who adopts and the step mother. I know it seems strange to pair these two together. But your love for your children is different from most, but similar in one thing. You CHOOSE to love a child you didn’t birth. This is one of the most difficult forms of motherhood to me. You battle the thought that your love will never measure up because you didn’t hold that baby in your tummy for nine months. You may have missed moments with your child that belong to someone else. You give with fear that something may always be missing. You may be getting more than you “bargained” for when someone else did the raising for a while. But labor and delivery does not make you a mom. Heart does. And CHOOSING to love is sometimes harder to do than “owning” what you’re given. Thank you for making that choice.
To the mom who has loved and lost. I’m more familiar with this than I wish. I’ve watched countless moms kiss their children a final goodbye before God calls them home. Each day passing offers a new pain as you are surrounded by constant memory. You pray that someone-everyone remembers who they are. You pray you can make it another day without their hand, their smell, their hugs. You’d give anything for another tantrum or mess to clean up or the chance to have one to begin with. Miscarriage carries its own loss as well. To that mom… I think of you every time I rock my child to sleep, smell his hair and kiss his boo boos. And I’m thankful for your strength. Please know you are STILL the mother to that child. I can’t imagine the grief but you face it everyday. I pray for peace. I like to think that the moms of heaven have your precious babies cradled and protected. They are offering love and affection until you meet them on the streets of gold to take their hands and say… “It’s okay now, Mommy’s here.”
To the single mom and the military mom: God bless you. This is hard as hell sometimes. To do it alone is a success in itself. You are mom AND dad. You are tired. You hold much weight and responsibility. Sharing that load with someone is a blessing, and I often forget how much so. Your courage, your strength, your resilience is to be admired. Remember, GOD can carry the weight with you. He ALWAYS PROVIDES and He yearns to be the Father your children need.
And finally… To the women who choose not to have children, choose not to adopt, choose not to be a step parent: I see and value you just as much. It’s my experience that you are a mother in your own way. You take on roles to offer your motherly touch. You have fur babies. You’re that stellar aunt kids only dream of. You are a nurse who loves on precious kiddos. You’re a teacher that longs to help shape and raise our precious children. Again, motherhood is about heart. It’s offering a love that is only given by God and your’s is special because it, too is a choice.
Motherhood is a gift. God calls us to be a mom knowing that it does bring out the best parts of us… Even when we feel our “faults” shining through. I watched other moms and begged God to make me more like them: more organized, more crafty, less sleep-deprived, more balanced. It’s taken me a long time to truly appreciate and value myself as a mom. That didn’t happen until I stopped looking at everyone else and embraced my own journey and positive attributes. “Comparison is the thief of all joy.” His plan for each of us is special and thought out. He wrote His will for our lives long ago; it’s our job to be true to the woman/mom He so lovingly created. So this Mother’s Day, I ask you to celebrate your moms and celebrate yourself and your journey. God looks at us and thinks: “Beautiful girl… Don’t you know I’m here? Don’t you know I CHOSE YOU for this role, this journey, this love. Let me tell you how perfect you already are. Let me bear your weight. Let me show you how truly amazing motherhood can be.”
Sincerely,
Candace, Griffin’s mom-a darn good one at that
house of stain 