I usually don’t like posting 2 days in a row. But this topic is so fresh. To be honest… I’ve put off writing it (that’s ironic) I think, from pride. But it has become a pressing issue for me in all departments. So, just maybe, this post will give someone comfort who is similar to me.
I don’t know if the right word for this is “distraction” or “procrastination.” To me, it’s one in the same. For most of my adult life I’ve had the best of intentions as a friend, mother, and wife. But having the best of intentions does not justify the consequences when I forget to take care of something for the millionth time. Again, this is in several areas of my life: personal, professional, and social.
I’m known as one of the worst about getting back to friends. I’m going to apologize right now. I have never thought: “Ah, I missed that call or text but who cares.” Indeed, it’s the opposite. I see a message or voicemail from a friend or family member and think, “I’m so thankful they texted me.” “I’ve missed them, I can’t wait to catch up.” Even in necessary situations, “Oh crud, they are trying to get a hold of me… Let me take care of this.” I’ve even checked messages in my sleep from the steady slumber of a day after night shift. Inevitably, my “shiny object” personality is mid-action or thought (or sleep). My best intentions go down the drain when I say to myself “I will write/call them back in just a minute when I finish what I’m doing.” Dun, dun, dun… Another friend left hanging and feeling like I don’t care about them or their friendship. Most days I look at my phone or messenger and hang my head. That text message is still in the box unsent. Friends and family, please know that you are important. You are equally valued as my daily responsibilities. I just haven’t learned the art of prioritization yet.
Being easily distracted has its down falls in my job as well. “I’ll put that meeting in my phone calendar in just a minute.” “I will register for that class or remember to lay out my PALS book for work after I put Griffin to sleep.” The already present flaw that has worsened since becoming a mom creeps back in… And I once again, look in the mirror at someone who “doesn’t have it all together.”
In my home, my responsibilities are thrown to the wayside because of my habitual thoughts of “I’ll do that tomorrow, or the next day, or the next.” The laundry sits for 2 days. The floor needs mopping. I need to call our mortgage company to get our mortgage payment reduced. Pallets need to be torn apart for headboards. A new end table needs painting. A week has gone by and I’m now overwhelmed about the things that I should’ve done two weeks ago.
Even my relationship with my husband lacks because I have said, “I’ll do it in just a minute.” I look at him and think, “I love him and I need to go love on him when I’m done with the dishes.” As much as Griffin deserves my attention, so does Sam. I so easily “pick” Griffin over him when I don’t realize I ever made a choice. He speaks to me and one babble or tug on my pants and I’ve looked away and lost whatever words Sam has spoken. This week has been the straw that broke the camel’s back. We headed to the park for family time. Sam was headed into the house to grab something (probably something I forgot), threw his wallet to me to put it and Griffin in the car. In short, the door was locked and a little boy wanted to play NASCAR and play with rocks. Sam’s wallet found residence on the top of the car. 4 hours later when we went to get dinner, Sam went to pay; no wallet. Because of me being easily distracted, he has now had to cancel his credit/debit cards, get a new license, and get all new insurance cards.
Most importantly, I’ve let myself be distracted from prioritizing my time with God. “I’ll do my quiet time later.” “We forgot to say the blessing…oh well, we’ll do it at dinner.” I forgot to pray over my walk as a mom and wife today… I’ll do that tomorrow. And where does that get me? Days or weeks without connecting with God, allowing Him to guide me to better prioritize.
It’s not, that the distractions which cause my procrastination are not of importance: my son cries because he fell and bumped his head; I’m sleeping after a long night at work. We are trying to have focused family time without my phone glued to my hip. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t prioritize my child, family time, or certain tasks that are technically distracting me from fulfilling others. I am needed during my daily journey and MOST of the time, they should take precedence. I’m not one who will ever lose touch with savoring cherished moments with my little boy. I’m actually the opposite. I prioritize my time and responsibilities with Griff over anything and anyone else. Or with other tasks, I’m trying to “finish what I start.” That sounds appropriate, but to a degree. Griffin is the center of our worlds. Anyone can see that; that will never change. However, I am on the extreme side of distraction and procrastination; I forget to eat and put off showering until bedtime for heaven’s sake. Learning to prioritize has been a long time coming for me. My responsibilities as a friend, wife, and employee matter as well. My responsibilities to the projects I’m working on matter. And my time with God matters. What does that teach him when I ALWAYS place him over everthing else? Or that I don’t prioritize other people or the basic responsibilities of owning a home? That it’s okay to interrupt mommy and daddy’s conversation because he’s more important? No, he’s EQUALLY important. That my commitments at work are not valued? No, they certainly should be. Am I teaching him that making sure our home is well kept truly doesn’t matter? It dawned on me, that my lack or prioritizing and favor of procrastinating is teaching him the opposite. I want him to learn the quality of caring about people and valuing the blessings God gives us in the form of a home, job, or even a wallet. Am I teaching him to place his relationship with Christ first? Nope. Will I be perfect at this? Never. But I can try: for the sake of my friendships, the sake of being a better co-worker, the sake of making my husband feel equally loved. I need to be better for the sake of giving God my undivided attention and developing my relationship with Him. AND for the sake of teaching my child that while he, and other things are important, so is prioritizing others and things of equal value. This doesn’t mean that being his mom comes second. It just means that I should be teaching him responsibility along with living life to the fullest!
Sam said it best when he said that my lack of prioritizing can hurt others AND hurt myself. And it has. So once again, I ask God to wash this stain clean and to try to keep it clean. I’m putting this on the top my new “to do” list! If you read this and I make the mistake of again, not prioritizing you: call me on it! I probably forgot and need reminding!
house of stain 