Saturday afternoon I tucked little man into his car seat of my parents’ suburban. I kissed him goodbye so that I could work my two weekend shifts. I walked in the house, and I cried. I was exhausted; I realized it had been almost 36 hours since I last showered. Don’t worry people, I had the “3 F’s” covered! Mamas, if you are battling bath time for yourself OR your children, the 3 F’s will suffice until it can be conquered in full. FACE, FEET, & FANNY **in that order!** You don’t want fanny on your feet, but you SURE don’t want feet or fanny on your face! Yes, the essentials were clean, but soaking in the tub sounded heavenly. However, I had to pick 2 hours of sleep with a quick shower before work versus soaking in lavender and bubbles. So sleep it was. I might have been tired and maybe a little dirty aside from the 3 F’s, but I had completed two major feats! 1) I finished spray painting my beloved metallic dresser during Griffin’s nap on Friday! Yes, you heard me right. I SPRAY painted that dresser.
I know what you’re thinking. But, I have a LOVE/LOVE relationship with spray paint. I bought expensive metallic acrylic paint, but the color and texture just didn’t do it for me. So, to Home Depot (www.homedepot.com) I went! They have a great selection of spray paint, including my favorite brand for metallic silver (Rust-oleum Metallic in Satin Nickel). It took 4 cans to do the job. But, at $7 a can, that was cheaper than paying for a half gallon of paint that I don’t love. But what I do love, is that dresser in our spare bedroom.
This dresser didn’t come without some lessons learned. 1) Go with your gut and buy spray paint if you love the color. 2. Do the extra work and prime it first. 3) Don’t be dumb and paint a dresser outside in 30 degree weather (did this on the first coat). It will cause the paint to bubble/crack. You’ll have to sand and prime it before adding another coat of paint to fix it anyways.
Yet, another example of God teaching me that a little more work up front, makes for a smoother path when you invest yourself with some intention. The same is true in our walk with Him. I’ve learned that I’m a much better mama/wife/friend who spends less time apologizing and mending things if I put more effort in making time for God in my daily life. Just like that paint, I’ve bubbled and cracked when facing pressure and change. Centering God throughtout my journey as a mom, wife, friend, or nurse ensures the outcomes would required much less intervention and sorrow. He prepares our hearts to be reflective of His image, through that intentional time with Him.
The same was true for my second major feat. I’m the first to admit there are times when I don’t feel great about myself in this parenting gig. Those feelings usually occur when we are off on Griff’s bedtime schedule, when I haven’t given him enough vegetables, or caught myself scrolling Facebook when I should be engaged with him. I feel those lack luster thoughts when I haven’t acted with grace over accidental spilled milk or stepped on one too many toy cars. Mom shaming is real in this house: I’m the biggest shamer of myself.
But Thursday through Saturday, I didn’t feel that way. Not at all. In fact, for the first time in a long time I knew that I was the perfectly imperfect Mama for Griffin, and my faults mattered not. I knew that I could not have been a better parent or made him feel any more loved. I know that sounds cocky so stay with me. I didn’t feel that way because I got him in the bed at 8:30 each night, or put veggies in each meal. My confidence as his mom wasn’t evidenced by keeping the house oober clean or making sure we get “zero television” time. My worth was not defined by completing all house chores AND a lesson on shapes and colors each day. Far from it. So why did I feel like a super parent? Because I followed my mama’s intuition and simply loved on him in response. And I’ve spent time in prayer with God preparing my heart daily for how to love him in the best ways. I mentioned in a previous post that Griff slept until 10:30 on Thursday morning. While that was a blessing in the rest department… I knew it wasn’t normal for him. And neither was turning down pancakes for dinner. He didn’t really feel “that warm,” and he played hard. he just didn’t seem like his normal adventurous self. That evening I checked his temp anyway. 103.4: Knew it! So I shut off my “orderly” mommy brain and again prayed for God to show me how to best care for my sick little boy. I snuggled and rocked. I kissed his little head, which DID feel very warm shortly after. For 2 1/2 days we held each other when he didn’t feel well. He sat in my lap to do puzzles and read stories. We got up all hours of the night with tears and hugs. We prayed for God’s healing with little hands cupped together. Veggies and bedtime held little relevance. We had movie night with Mickey Mouse and a blanket pallet, instead. For 2 days, I was reminded that I am EXACTLY the mom God created for Griffin. My heart had never been more full; I felt so needed by him. I NEVER wish for his sickness. But I’m so thankful that I could be his cookie eating, movie watching, late night snuggling, tear wiping mama.
I knew in those two days that all of the things I’ve done “wrong” as a parent, didn’t matter in the least. I was what he needed for comfort and that’s all that mattered. Those two days reminded me of how much God feels for His own children when we don’t feel up to par (physically AND mentally). When the self mom-bashing begins, I’m going to remember this weekend and extend grace from within. I will remind myself that every moment of my child needing me is reflective of every moment of me needing God: to comfort me, to love me, to help me until I’m well enough to help myself. Thank you, Lord for such infinite love, the gift of being mommy to our little boy, and that dang spray paint.
house of stain 