Why I date my SON and I’m in a relationship with a tool…

I know what you’re thinking: “This lady is a wacko!” “This sounds like the theme of a Jerry Springer show!” Stay with me, people! I assure you I am no wacko, and our life is not a scene from redneck television.

Yes, my son and I “date.” We go to dinner. We have planned activities. We snuggle at the end of the night. He looks at me with adoration, and I love his kisses. I swoon over how much we love each other. Here’s the kicker.. He’s the best date a mother could ever ask for… From an (almost) 2 year old. And when I say we go on “dates,” I mean it.

I date my son, because I still “date” his father, Whom I am happily married to. Griffin takes his mama on dates, because he gets to learn how to pursue future girlfriends, and (God-willing) his future wife. And as a mother, it is my JOB to make sure I raise him to pursue with a Godly heart, the women he will be interested in. It’s MY job to ensure he’s a gentleman. It’s my job to make sure he respects women for their hearts; that he pursues their minds and their dreams instead of their flesh. Yes, he learns from Sam’s amazing example in day-to-day life. However, Griffin is not on our date nights to watch his dad pursue my heart and what God is doing in my life when I’m not focused on being “Mommy.” Griffin isn’t there when we have dinner alone, to see his dad tell me how beautiful he thinks I am. He isn’t there to see his dad pay for a special dinner. He isn’t present when Sam prays over our meal and give thanks for God delivering time that allows us to remember just how wonderful our love is for each other. Griffin isn’t on our nights alone to hear his dad whisper encouraging words when I worry over how he’s doing at home. And he shouldn’t be there for those moments… Because that time with my husband is cherished and sacred. That time alone with Sam reminds me of just how thankful I am that he pursues me, wants me for his wife, and wants to hear and encourage how God is working in ME, through ME, and for ME. Griffin is the center of our world. But on those cherished nights that we take for just the two of us, I get to feel loved just for being me. I am more than my daily duties: dish washer, lunch preparer, boo boo kisser, nap time rocker… and “Mommy!” I love that I am all of those things with ALL of my heart; being a mom is more than I could’ve ever wanted. But God also created me to be the love of Sam’s life… And he, as the love of mine. He created me to pursue Sam and our marriage, and be pursued in return. Why? Because God cares about our hearts and our passions. He cares about making us feel loved for WHO we are, not just what responsibilities we fill. God loves us SO much, He knew that the closest we could get to feeling that kind of love is as a spouse and/or a parent.

I am, thankfully, both. It has taken me a long time to aim for balance in all three areas: cultivating my love as a parent, enhancing my love as a spouse, and repurposing my love for myself. This is why I say I have a relationship with a “tool!” I have one with lots of tools (hammer, staple gun, saw)… And with my feet on the pavement. My time is give and take with my passions of furniture repurposing and running. It’s a forgiveness when I haven’t invested myself like those passions deserve. There’s a love for the joy they bring me. And there’s pride in how they make up part of who I am.

This brings me back to why Griffin and I go on dates. He’s not there to see his dad’s wonderful example of Gods love (mirrored by marriage) on date night. So, he physically cannot watch how to treat a lady when in pursuit of her… That’s why it’s my job to teach him.

So we go on dates: I drive (of course). But I help him open doors for me. I teach him to let ladies order first. I encourage him to ask about the person he will be on a “real date” with. I want him to pursue their heart, ask about their passions, pray over their meal (he says the blessing), ask about their relationship with God and find ways to encourage it. I teach him to say “Yay!” when I’ve told him about my latest project completed or last long run. Why do I encourage him to do those things? Because his dad does, and it makes me feel valued, loved, and comforted as Sam’s wife. I ask the same things of him. I pursue his little heart. I uplift him about the good choices he’s made, or his latest feat in gym class. I make him feel loved and pursued like a woman should do in the future. Why? Because I want him to know what it feels like for a woman to want to know and love his heart as much as I love and appreciate Sam’s. Griffin may not be able to answer my questions fully or understand all of what I say. He does not yet comprehend WHY I put the cash or card in his tiny hand to to pay the cashier/waitress for our meal. But we’ll be dating for many years until it’s his turn to pursue a young woman’s heart and the love Jesus has for her.

So, until then… I will date my son and be an example of a woman who has relationships with passions of her own, inuding my husband and the love God has for me and for Sam (individually). I’m so thankful for my boys’ love for me. And I’m so thankful I get to share that love in return. But I’m most thankful for Gods sacred love of my heart. And how He gave me the gifts of Sam and Griffin to enrich my ability to love someone even a fraction of how much He loves me. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!!!